Avoiding grief. This is often the unstated plan to deal with loss. Unfortunately, this is oxymoronic and faulty.
Susan Duke, author of Grieving Forward, Embracing Life Beyond Loss, writes" At times, willing yourself not to cry may be necessary, but it can also become an addictive form of coping if you practice it too often. After two week of keeping my faucet of tears turned off, I realized I was becoming irritable and nervous. I found ways of staying so busy I didn't have time to rest or think. I became even more exhausted than what grief normally causes. I could almost reach out and touch the wall I'd built around my heart." It is said that unexpressed grief snowballs...one loss piles onto another and then the next and then whamo...the who thing is collapsing and you find yourself in an avalanche. This is an appropo analogy if you've ever heard anyone describe what it feels like to be caught in an avalanche: poured into freezing, quick- setting plaster and left to suffocate; bone crushing pressure; disorienting to the point of not knowing which direction is up; unable to be seen in order for help to find you; cold and feeling as though you are going to die or being afraid you are.
Ultimately, deep sorrow requires release. And sometimes rescue.
