Thanksgiving-some ideas.

Here is a Thanksgiving  prayer from Austin Fleming .  It is written for those grieving at this time of year.

In it can be found several ideas to help with grief (  in addition to prayer). 

Dear God,

There is an empty chair at our table,

an ache in our hearts

and tears on our faces.
Acknowledge the absence and the feelings. It is not life as usual.

We may try to shield one another

from the grief we bear

but we cannot hide it from you.
Share with those who also grieve.


We pray for (names)

whose presence we miss

in these homecoming days.

Open our hearts and minds

to the healing and warmth

of the light of your presence.

We pray, Lord, and we trust

that those we miss

have found their place at your table,

their home in your heart.
Examine your spiritual beliefs and embrace what brings you comfort.

Open our hearts to joyful memories

of the love we shared

with those who have gone before us.
SHARE memories.


Help us tell the stories

that make present the past

and bring us close again

to those we miss.
Tell stories.

Teach us to lean on each other

and on you, Lord,

for the strength we need

to walk through difficult times.
Ask for and ACCEPT help.

Give us quiet moments

with you, with our thoughts,

with our memories and prayers.
Allow yourself quite time.


Be with us, Lord,

and hold us in your arms

even as you hold those

who have gone before us.

Help us to trust that one day

we shall be with those we love

when your mercy gathers us together

in the joy of the life you promise us.

This is the day you have made, Lord:

help us to rejoice in it
Practice mindfulness.

and in the promise of your peace.

Amen.

Giving Grief a Time and a Place

The holidays can be a difficult time.  There are family and cultural expectations that often leave us strapped for time, money and personal fulfillment.  The presence of the abscence of who or what is missing is magnified. Avoidance seems like a safe and painless way to "get through the whole thing".  Remember, it is not the holiday or the grief you want to avoid, but the pain.  Grieving  and mourning help us through by placing the loss outside of ourselves. There are a number of ways to do this.  Here are some ideas: Share a prayer about your loved one before the holiday dinner; light a candle for your loved one(s); do an online tribute to them; share favorite and funny stories of your loved one(s); have a remembrance prayer or mass said in your faith community; leave an empty seat at the table; buy a gift in their name and donate it to a charity that they would support; go to a candle light memorial/vigil...the main idea is to include them.  Do not leave the elephant in the living room, so to speak.
Allow yourself time. Make multiple plans so that you feel like you have some options. It is also o.k. to "cancel" the holidays altogether if this is what feels right for you. The old standard is no longer and the new norm may not be established. Use this time to experiment with what works for you NOW-this season, this moment.

Accepting the Gifts of Comfort and Joy

The holiday season.  Three powerful words.  This time of year is filled with expectation, emotion, and activity. For some this time of year is difficult because of the absence of loved ones, divorce, death, financial stress,  family conflict, illness, loneliness...

H.U. Westermayer wrote, The pilgrims made seven times more grave than huts.  No Americans have been more impoverished that these, who, nevertheless set aside a day of thanksgiving.. Gratitude and gratefulness are not available to us only when things are going well.  Often, it is when things are their darkest and we must dig the deepest to find something-anything to embrace with thankfulness that we need to do so the most.  Approaching our lives from this spirit of appreciation for what we do have versus focusing on what we have lost or can not attain is not denying our grief, but is a stance of "and" not "either/or".  We can be happy and sad, experience joy and despair, comfort and discomfort.  One of the keys is in finding or creating personal meaning in all we encounter.  Creating a personal thanksgiving prayer or ritual for yourself or family or modifying traditional activities might revitalize your sense of appreciation for that which is good and complete in your life at this present time.