Overcoming Grief: A List of Don'ts

C. Earl Gibbs writes in his book titled Caring for the Grieving:

     Many variations of attitudes and forms of ministry can be categorized under this heading 

     (overcoming grief). 

      The element which they have in common is the desire to do away with grief by overcoming it  

     too quickly. Words of comfort are given too easily, emotions are suppressed and attempts are made to

     make death and grief as inconspicuous as possible.

     Often the elements of denial, which were discussed earlier are incorporated into this model in which a   

     person seeks to over come the reality of grief by denying the full process of the grief.  Euphemisms,

     attitudes, facial expressions, superficial approaches, and meaningless phrases all are used in an effort to

     soothe the mourners.

     Because so many people misunderstand the nature of grief and try to cover it up,  Edgar Jackson offered 

     a list of things to avoid in one of his little books (You and Your Grief) designed to be a guide for the

    bereaved.  

1. Don't condemn yourself.
2. Don't drug yourself.
3. Don't feel sorry for yourself.
4. Don't run away.
5. Don't withdraw yourself.
6. Don't pay too much attention to what others say.
7. Don't cross bridges until you come to them.
8. Above all, don't underestimate yourself.

Over the next few posts, we will explore some of these don'ts  in more detail.

Embracing Grief

Grief is Important

Giving ourselves permission to be with sadness actually creates space for us to begin the healing process.
Change is something that happens each and every moment in our lives. Since nothing is constant, it may sometimes seem as if we are losing something whenever things do change. Understanding that this is part of our daily existence and that there will not only be gains but also losses in our lives can help us more readily accept and deal with whatever happens.
Whenever we lose something or somebody we love, it is important for us to take time out for ourselves and truly feel the weight of what we are experiencing. Although it may seem that doing so will push us into a deeper state of sadness, truly giving ourselves permission to be with whatever arises actually creates space for us to begin the healing process. This is because the act of grieving is a natural process, allowing us to sort through the range of emotions that are present in our everyday existence. Even though it may sometimes seem easier to involve ourselves in activities that take our minds off of our sadness, this will only make the route to healing more difficult. Unless we listen to where we are in the moment, the emotions we experience will only grow in intensity, and our feelings will manifest themselves in more powerful and less comfortable ways. Once we consciously acknowledge that these emotions are present, however, we are more able to soothe the sorrow of t! he moment. In so doing, we become more open to our natural ability to heal ourselves.
Grieving doesn’t have to be a process that keeps us rooted in our thoughts of fear and sadness. For the moment we might feel despondent, but by expressing and coping with our true feelings, we face the sadness head-on. When we allow ourselves to accept and deal with our loss fully, we will then be able to continue our life’s journey with a much more positive and accepting outlook. This will make it easier for us to see that our grief is ephemeral and, just like our moments of happiness, it will also come to pass.



Reprinted from DailyOM- Inspirational thoughts for a happy, healthy and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com.



















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Stronger For It-Mending a Broken Heart (compliments of DailyOM)

Stronger for It
Mending A Broken Heart


Heartbreak happens to all of us. Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us.
Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and longing is transmuted into a feeling that often cannot be put into words. Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further. But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the spell of our conscious influence.

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us. The shock that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the heart eventually leads us down the path of enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth and richness.

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before we can begin to heal. It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart, but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness more than anything else is called for. Most important, open yourself to the possibility of loving, trusting, and believing again. When, someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of your grief, you will see that the universe did not cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger for all you have experienced.


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