To Every Season...

A human life has its seasons, much as the earth has seasons, and each one has its own particular beauty and possibilities.  When we ask life to remain perpetually spring, we turn the natural process of life into a process of loss rather than a process of celebration and appreciation.

                                                                                  From Healthy at 100 by John Robbins

Realistically, what season of your life are you in?

Can you identifiy the beauty and possibilites of it?

What about the seasons of those you love?

How do you choose to celebrate?

Please Curb Your Judgement

When we are  grief-stricken, it seems that others, even those who love us, are often quick to judge  how and what we are doing.  The barometer they use is a self-defined measure and each judge has different standards by which they gauge our appropriateness.

Before anyone can  heal another, first you have to heal yourself...and this is an ongoing process. The same is true regarding judging others. What is the fear, unfinished business, lack or want in your own life that needs to be healed or fulfilled?

Practice recognizing when you are judging another and why.  Then turn the mirror around and practice compassion.

I have always found it easier to say "I love you" to another human being than to say " I need your help."  Asking for help feels like a weakness; in reality, it is an invitation for connection.  The exchange of asking for and receiving help creates this circle of energy that feeds us all. 
                                                                                                                  Rod MacIver

When you have had a loss in your life, you most likely know this to be true.  For many people, saying "I love you" becomes more important as end-of-life nears or if you have lost someone close to you without saying it, making sure those around know how you feel in the future, takes on new meaning and import.

But what about asking for help?  Dealing with loss is difficult.  There are many opportunities for us to ask for  and to accept help. Letting family and friends help, seeing a counselor, taking time off, joining a support group are all ways to do this.

How are you doing with letting those you love know and help?

Talking with a Veteran

All hospices are caring for veterans, whether they are identified or not.  Veterans at end-of-life sometimes have special needs. Awareness of  and attending to care of this population requires additional knowledge and sensitivity to the patient and their families..  In January 2010, Dennis Whall, a veteran active in support activities for fellow vets in Maine, presented some information to hospice professionals in Maine. Below are some of his suggestions:

SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK

• first, thank for service
• what branch of service
• when did you go in and how old were you
• were you drafted or did you volunteer
• if enlisted, why did they choose that branch
• any other in your family in the military-then or now
• what was your rank
• where did you go for Basic Training
• do you remember your drill instructor (DI)
• any humorous or memorable stories from Basic Training
• what was your specialty (MOS-military occupation speciality)
• how long were you in
• where did you serve/ stationed
• what was the name of your unit or ship
• were you awarded any special badges or medals
• have you kept in touch with any of your buddies

SOME OF THE QUESTIONS NOT TO ASK

• did you kill anyone
• were any of your buddies killed
• what was it like
• were you scared
• what was the worst thing that happened
• did you ever do anything that you regretted
• do you think we should have been involved in the war

Yoga and Grief

Anyone who has experienced grief knows it is a "full-body" experience. It's impact is felt on the physical, emotional and psychological planes. Common reactions to loss include increased heart rate and blood pressure, fast, shallow breathing, loss of appetite, lowered immunity, balance and coordination problems,  sleep disturbances, anxiety, depression and difficulty concentrating.

There are many documented benefits, spanning physical, psychological and emotional positive effect, attributed to yoga. Among the positive attributes of a yoga practice is lowered pulse rates, and blood pressure, enhanced breathing-deeper and slower, normalized gastrointestinal function, improved immune-response, improved sleep, improved and integrated coordination, improved mood, decreased depression and increased concentration.

Poses often recommended for grief support include: heart opening poses, back bends, standing balance poses, supported poses, fish pose, camel pose, bow pose, poses performed closer to the Earth-half pigeon,  sirsasana, gentle twists and alternate nostril breathing.

If you are grieving a loss and yoga appeals to you, look for teacher you connect with and a studio that is comfortable for you, and give it a try.

Climbing

The path through grief is often desrcibed as "climbing a mountain".  Why not take this imagery from the figurative to the literal?  This is what Robert Kennedy did when he scaled Mt. Kennedy in the Canadian Yukon after his brother's death in 1963. At the summit he engaged in a ritual of burying items of JFK's in the snow and ice along side a flag with the family crest on it. The climb was not easy and he was physically challenged, but by all accounts he came back down that mountain a changed man-with renewed focus and sense of himself.

Grief can drain the bereft of energy, weaken immunity, lessen engagement and enthusiasm for living  and often leads to loss of focus and confidence. Climbing provides many physical, emotional, mental and spiritual benefits-many of which are beneficial for the grief-stricken. Breath, coordination, building an appetite, hydration...these are things generally taken for granted, but in grief we breath shallowly, sighing often; we are disconnected from our bodies and become more accident-prone; food and drink do not appeal to us. Climbing in the mountains requires us to attend to these things to be successful. Simply having a goal of reaching the top provides the bereft with a mental and emotional hook that can take the mind's energy away, even briefly, from other things associated with the loss. Learning new skills also engages the mind differently.  Being out-of-doors, surrounded by natural beauty and light can offer a spiritual lift. Climbing offers the griever a community.

Is it a community that speaks to you?

Further resources:
www.on-belay.org/
http://www.climbforkids.org/
Deep River Beneath White Pines
http://www.uphere.ca/node/786
http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19930617&slug=1706915

Two-sides of the Same Coin

We clasp the hands of those that go before us, And the hands of those who come after us.  We enter the little circle of each other's arms And the larger circle of lovers, Whose hands are joined in a dance, And the larger circle of all creatures, Passing in and out of life, Who move also in a dance, To a music so subtle and vast that no ear hears it Except in fragments.
                                                                                                          Wendell Berry


Being present at (a) death often leaves us feeling...something. It is difficult to string the language together to accurately capture what the feeling is.  It is full bodied. If it is as Wendell Berry descibes it above, it becomes clearer why it is so powerful. It is an experience that does not obey the accepted laws of time and physics. We are aware, in those moments, of all the generations and all living things.  There is no separation, no us and them. Our bodies become extrasensoraly attuned. It is the same rush and all too fleeting moment of clarity we feel if we are fortunate enough to be at a birth. All comings and goings are orchestrated. Are you listening?