It is a universal human struggle-how to respond to people in emotional need. We don't want to say the wrong thing or upset someone further. So, we just don't say anything or we "get busy" doing and fixing. If you have ever been on the receiving end of someone trying to support you through a loss or difficult time, you knew when someone dealt with you in a helpful manner-even if you couldn't really pinpoint what was so helpful. And you definitely knew when someone had it wrong.
Most people report they feel they don't receive as much support as they perceive they need. So what, generally, is judged as helpful, in response to loss and distress? Studies show bereft people who have an opportunity to express feelings without having them dismissed and contact with "similar others" (as in a support group) believe they are well connected and supported and will "do well". When the helper acts primarily to minimze their own anxiety, gives a message (or messages) the bereaved is coping poorly, gives advice or encourages recovery too quickly or too soon -this is experienced as less helpful. Not surprisingly the most unhelpful responses were from family and friends.
Where does your helping style fall? What will you do to enhance it?
