I recently saw Thomas Lynch (poet, undertaker) speak. His topic was Good Death, Good Grief, Good Funerals. A good part of his story is about encouraging people to be mindful of the ceremonies related to their dead. He implores us "Don't estrange the living from their dead". He stresses modern funerals lack gravitas as there is limited focus on beliefs and values important to the family and more attention paid to hobbies and interests. It is stuff vs. substance.
He believes "if we get the essentials right we can focus less on the accessories and that we need to separate the essentials from the accessories. He states "A good funeral isn't a good box, like a good diamond isn't a good marriage. Or you wouldn't go to a wedding without the bride and groom present or a baptism without the baby." . The essentials are: there is someone who has died; there is someone to whom it matters the person has died; there is someone to facilitate the procession of the body with some sacred notions; and then the act of putting the dead somewhere. Similar to Thomas Long's idea of sacred theater where we all play our part in the funerals of those we love. He encourages us to "go the distance with our dead". Have the body at the service; throw dirt on the grave; go with the body to the retort for cremation and bring the remains back.
We deal with death by dealing with the dead. We care for the living by caring for the dead.
