The holidays can be a difficult time. There are family and cultural expectations that often leave us strapped for time, money and personal fulfillment. The presence of the abscence of who or what is missing is magnified. Avoidance seems like a safe and painless way to "get through the whole thing". Remember, it is not the holiday or the grief you want to avoid, but the pain. Grieving and mourning help us through by placing the loss outside of ourselves. There are a number of ways to do this. Here are some ideas: Share a prayer about your loved one before the holiday dinner; light a candle for your loved one(s); do an online tribute to them; share favorite and funny stories of your loved one(s); have a remembrance prayer or mass said in your faith community; leave an empty seat at the table; buy a gift in their name and donate it to a charity that they would support; go to a candle light memorial/vigil...the main idea is to include them. Do not leave the elephant in the living room, so to speak.
Allow yourself time. Make multiple plans so that you feel like you have some options. It is also o.k. to "cancel" the holidays altogether if this is what feels right for you. The old standard is no longer and the new norm may not be established. Use this time to experiment with what works for you NOW-this season, this moment.
