Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an underused agent of healing for the symptoms of grief, so writes Sarah York in Remembering Well, Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death (2000).  It is not about forgetting. It is not about fairness. It is not about justice. It does not change the past, but it wholly transforms the present and future.  Many people confuse forgiveness with exoneration.  Forgiveness does not excuse someone from doing something wrong.  It does not alleviate their guilt or lessen their transgression.  Instead forgiveness accepts the past as it was, embraces the present, and faces the future.  Forgiveness is about self -respect, wellness, and enriching community. (Ira Byock, The Four Things that Matter Most) We do not have to wait until someone we love is dying, has died, or we ourselves are dying to practice forgiveness. 
Sogyal Rinpoche asks "Can you truly forgive yourself?  That is the real question. Your feeling of being unforgiven and unforgivable is what makes you suffer so.  But it only exists in your heart and mind.
For those who question the Divine's forgiveness he suggests " God has already forgiven you, for God, is forgiveness itself". York states that forgiveness is in the realm of Spirit-it is not controlled by reason or human will. And because of this mercurial nature of forgiveness you can not touch it and say this is the moment it happened., but you can intentionally enter into the moment, this moment, with a wholly irrational love of what is.  Like Ebenezer Scrooge waking on Christmas Day. Make amends where you can, clear misunderstandings, tell  and show people you care, live generously. The mending we do in our own grieving hearts will heal and bless us in our relationships.  And it will do more than that:  it will reconcile us with the holy order of the universe.  It will heal and bless the world. (York, 2000)